Self-Made Trouble

Self-Made Trouble, Introverts Network, Falesia Beach

I like solving problems even if they are self-made and stupid. If my existence becomes too still, I invent troubles for myself.

I was listening to a lady who tried to persuade me I need 10K bucks a month to be happy. No offence Sue, I’ve tried it and it didn’t make me happy. Once I was a prosperous business woman with fancy income, all self-made and travelling around the world for business and leisure. For few years it felt good. Just because it was a prize for unbelievably tough period preceding it. In the end, I got bored. 

So, my husband and me began to build a house, a huge one. And we did everything by ourselves, because we wanted that house to be the best in the country: the most energy efficient, the cheapest in maintenance – extraordinarily situated passive energy house. I was cleaning the cliffs by hand, because we wanted to keep all possible trees on the plot and to preserve the authentic moss cover. I was mixing concrete (12 tons of dry matter) over the next summer and I was happy. It was hard. It was extreme. I enjoyed it. 

Then we decided to make it to the next level: a baby and a construction site. I had to quit construction worker job when I was 6 mo pregnant. 

The catastrophe struck after my giving birth to the baby. My labour hasn’t gone well and I found myself practically disabled. After a year of recovery my spinal disc broke, so in few months I was not able to move and suffered unbearable pain. One and half year. But because I was a prosperous business woman, I had to put the smile on and keep going. I could not sit, I was not able to sleep, I worked laying in the bedroom on the floor on my belly with my computer because it was the only way I could do my job. 1800-3000 units of ibuprofen per day to survive. I am quite resistant to drugs, and heavy prescriptive medicine made me dizzy but not painless. 

I regret I didn’t know my spinal problem is solvable. It stole 1.5 year of my life and my family life. I was not able to take care about our baby, our life or myself. Apparently, these were the only 1.5 year of my life I failed to keep it positive. I have never fully recovered from the disease. After undergoing a serious spinal operation, I got my life back. Of course, I will have some physical restrictions till the end of my life, but I don’t let it bother me. Partly, because it makes my life much more extreme.

Next I got rid of migraine which I suffered for my whole life. In a migraine clinic. This kind of experience leaves a permanent imprint. Ever after, I am able to diagnose migraine and spinal problems from people’s eyes. It is very noticeable.

Why I told this piece of history? We have moved to another country during that period. With company and 85m3 of goods (some 25 tons). New country, huge house, continuous pain. Difficult enough. Otherwise, I would have been dead if we hadn’t moved. As I was misdiagnosed initially, I would have never got any possibility for operation and recovery. 

So, I’ was back. I was happy walking along the waterline on the beach (not allowed to swim yet). The sun was shining again, and the birds were singing. I was happy, because I overcame it. In USA, I would have been rich just by suing couple of hospitals for negligence. But in Finland the maximum compensation was 1500 euro per case, so nobody even bother. Attorney expense would exceed it anyway.

Few years later, I was living a perfect life of a prosperous business woman with good income, huge house and perfect child, with a perfect husband. 

I got bored. I didn’t know what I really want in my life. Everyday routine felt a swamp which sucked me deeper and deeper. Joy was gone from my work. I’ve done it all the same for years. Over and over again. Stupid to complain, ah?

Economic stagnation was not any good extra to routine problems. Our field got so stuck, that we had not any new product to sell in years. We also tried to invent it ourselves. In a way, we  succeeded, but that small move was not enough to keep it up. We needed something more significant. 

We sold the house and business and moved to another country. And started new business. Complicated enough? Nope.

Here comes the coronavirus. Hip hip hooray! 

Running a start-up business during apocalypse, that is the problem I was looking for. Ups and downs, sleepless night, Airbus size problems… 

The only known way of living my life

Once I had time for scrutinising over the matter of my life full of drama, I noticed that the drama is fully self-made. I create problems for myself and rush to solve them, and it is no help that my husband is absolutely the same. Probably, it is the secret of our long-term relationship. 

And yes, we call it adventures. 

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