I have tried to remake myself to fit the locker of a modern woman: fun, fearless female – a self-made prosperous achiever in designed clothes. In vain. After years of trying I came to the result: it will never happen. The reason: I don’t want it to happen.
I attended high profile webinars and conferences in a desperate hope to reshape myself inside out. One evening I was listening to the speaker, all self-assured and confident in her words. I imagined I have to put on a red outfit and write a text she just presented. I felt sick. No offence Sigrun, people are just different.
After a three-hours webinar by Selena Soo I visited her website asking me if “I am a hidden gem who dreams being a household name”. I got terrified with the idea. All right, I am a gem, but I’d prefer to stay hidden!
Exposed reality of social media era doesn’t suit everybody. Every person should have right of self-determination. It works, more or less, until they bump into an introvert.
Despite the fact I manage to perform on the stage front of audience, I don’t bear a thought I have to be a celebrity with continuous media presence, crowd of paparazzi around and fans worshipping me. I like to be argued with. I like people with an opinion which differs from mine pretty on everything, so I can learn something new from them.
As a celebrity with no particular talents (celebrities with outstanding talents exist, though), I would have to be more and more open about my personal life, up to embarrassingly intimate details and a lot of self-made drama around myself. Me, mini-me and my reflection speaking about myself… Self-made, self-promoted, self-destroyed.
I hate Facebook. The necessity of being on the Billboard every day makes me sick. I lose my inspiration and focus. It’s a pity, that a lot of life just happens there.
Instagram is a bit easier. I am able to share few pictures per week, especially as photography is a very dear hobby of mine. But I definitely don’t want to ruin the pictures with own presence in them.
I get inspiration from water, nature, other people, good books and relevant journalism. Talented actors, good movies, touching music. My family, my friends. Solving a problem. Helping other people. Teaching children.
I am an introvert. But it doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t like life around me. I just don’t want life around me to be too intrusive.
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